In Arcata California...
It's funny. I drove into Seattle two years ago with everything I owned in my car, and yesterday I left the same way. I don't know how to convey in words how much living in Seattle meant to me. Leaving was hard. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of people, and I didn't get to do a lot of things I had wanted to do. I really could have stayed for another month and not finished it all. I can't explain the urgency under which I left save to say that it was important to my emotional well being to start this adventure as soon as possible.
It wasn't until recently that I realized just how important my own happiness is, and that its greatest limiting factor has always been my fears. While I'm still afraid of the dark, Christian scientists, and mind control through fluoridation, I'm no longer afraid of the uncertainty of life. I find that this was the "keystone" fear that kept a number of my other fears in place such as those involving failure, confrontation, inadequacy, and run on sentences. Not being driven so intensely by fear has, I think, for the first time in my life, allowed me to listen to my own needs. There is a quote in the Confucian Analects (2.4) that says:
"At fifteen I set my heart upon learning. At thirty, I had planted my feet upon firm ground. At forty, I no longer suffered from perplexities. At fifty, I knew what were the biddings of Heaven. At sixty, I heard them with a docile ear. At seventy, I could follow the dictates of my own heart; for what I desired no longer overstepped the boundaries of right."
While I don't believe that what I desire no longer oversteps the boundaries of right, I do believe that I may be following the dictates of my heart for the first time in my life. This is not to say that I regret any decisions in my life, it is just to say that I often ignore my needs out of duty, guilt, and stoicism. My recent work could have turned into this very easily, and I am very proud that I did not push down that path for the wrong reasons. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction, and I'm damn happy about it.
Next Stop Santa Cruz
It wasn't until recently that I realized just how important my own happiness is, and that its greatest limiting factor has always been my fears. While I'm still afraid of the dark, Christian scientists, and mind control through fluoridation, I'm no longer afraid of the uncertainty of life. I find that this was the "keystone" fear that kept a number of my other fears in place such as those involving failure, confrontation, inadequacy, and run on sentences. Not being driven so intensely by fear has, I think, for the first time in my life, allowed me to listen to my own needs. There is a quote in the Confucian Analects (2.4) that says:
"At fifteen I set my heart upon learning. At thirty, I had planted my feet upon firm ground. At forty, I no longer suffered from perplexities. At fifty, I knew what were the biddings of Heaven. At sixty, I heard them with a docile ear. At seventy, I could follow the dictates of my own heart; for what I desired no longer overstepped the boundaries of right."
While I don't believe that what I desire no longer oversteps the boundaries of right, I do believe that I may be following the dictates of my heart for the first time in my life. This is not to say that I regret any decisions in my life, it is just to say that I often ignore my needs out of duty, guilt, and stoicism. My recent work could have turned into this very easily, and I am very proud that I did not push down that path for the wrong reasons. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction, and I'm damn happy about it.
Next Stop Santa Cruz
posted by Robert at 5/03/2005 09:15:00 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Robert, It is Katelyn, from the YMCA. Everybody from the YMCA is going to miss you. I hope you have a good time on your trip. It sounds fun so far.
Run while you can, boy. You can't avoid my designs forever! Well, come to think of it, maybe you can...
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