In Santa Cruz California...
As of today, I have a one way plane ticket to Hong Kong. I had an option to purchase a round trip ticket for essentially the same price, but opted for the one way. I did this because I know myself, and I know that if I have a departure date three months from when I arrive, I will start to structure my trip around that. Its safer, its makes more sense, and it is exactly what I don’t want. Not that I don’t want to be safe, it’s just that I don’t want the comfort and security of a plan b, c, and d. Simply put, I just don’t want plans. Anyways, my ticket is for June 7th at 1:20am. I arrive in Hong Kong at 6:45 in the morning. The trip will be extremely short by transpacific standards, only 14.5 hours.
Santa Cruz is getting a little weird. It wasn’t weird until I learned that a replacement had been found for my job. Troy, my former supervisor (and good friend) will be taking over my position as the Coordinator of Homeless Youth Services at the YMCA. When the last drop of responsibility to my program vanished, I realized I felt like I could let myself be taken care of again. It sounds weird, but when so many people depended on me for essential services and care, I turned off a part of myself that was vulnerable to the world. I see that I did this because there were so many intense things that happened to me over the last year and at no time was there a truly a stable support structure for me. There were great people, and things like self-care, but no structure that would allow me to collapse if things got too tough in both my professional and non-professional life. Really, I just had to know that things could never get “too tough”. Now I’m staying with my parents for a couple of weeks and I have the option to just act like a kid, be completely irresponsible (which I’ve never been very good at), and laze around. I can only wonder if it will effect my drive to set out on a crazy no-holds-barred adventure across the world. As silly as it is to say, I’m a little worried this may soften me up and make it harder to be alone on my trip.
Oh well. Things are funny. I hope everyone is doing fantastically well.
Santa Cruz is getting a little weird. It wasn’t weird until I learned that a replacement had been found for my job. Troy, my former supervisor (and good friend) will be taking over my position as the Coordinator of Homeless Youth Services at the YMCA. When the last drop of responsibility to my program vanished, I realized I felt like I could let myself be taken care of again. It sounds weird, but when so many people depended on me for essential services and care, I turned off a part of myself that was vulnerable to the world. I see that I did this because there were so many intense things that happened to me over the last year and at no time was there a truly a stable support structure for me. There were great people, and things like self-care, but no structure that would allow me to collapse if things got too tough in both my professional and non-professional life. Really, I just had to know that things could never get “too tough”. Now I’m staying with my parents for a couple of weeks and I have the option to just act like a kid, be completely irresponsible (which I’ve never been very good at), and laze around. I can only wonder if it will effect my drive to set out on a crazy no-holds-barred adventure across the world. As silly as it is to say, I’m a little worried this may soften me up and make it harder to be alone on my trip.
Oh well. Things are funny. I hope everyone is doing fantastically well.
posted by Robert at 5/18/2005 11:12:00 AM
1 Comments:
you have a blog! syndicate it so i can subscribe with my lj!!!
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